My body takes center stage in every aspect of my life every day. Since 1/2024, when I got my 3rd bout of COVID-19, my being disabled has guided me in life. Overall, I felt better, not 100%, when the acute infection resolved, so I was not concerned. Yet as the months went by, my health deteriorated, until I had to go on disability in November.
Beyond the daily things that someone might think of, such as using a shower chair, being homebound, or being unable to participate in a social activity. My disabilities will determine when, if ever, I go back to school for my Nurse Practitioner degree. Which has been a goal of mine for a while now. My disabilities guide my morals and how I treat others. My disabilities have forever changed my understanding of disabilities and quality of life.
I am guided in my nursing practice by being disabled. It guides how much I work, when I take breaks, when I can say yes, and when I need to say no. It guides how I work with my patients with complex needs. My definition of health does not matter, my wants or goals for the patient do not matter, and nothing about my beliefs matters.
What matters is their choices, goals, definitions of quality of life, and how I can use my knowledge and expertise to support them. This is liberating; I go in with information, empathy, kindness, and respect. I do not need to save anyone. Of course, I go into homes with orders from providers and things I must do. I don’t want this to be misinterpreted.
My pride in being disabled guides me in how I treat my body, what I set as goals in my life, and ultimately, every moment of my life. Some days, this is so challenging or downright upsetting. Yet, I often approach my life and symptoms with equanimity and kindness.
I no longer beat myself up for every little thing and no longer measure my worth based on productivity.
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