RadicalRNAdvocate

How everything is a risk to your health and any healing you have fought for.

It is an interesting life when caring for a cracked tooth becomes an existential threat to one’s health. I am lying in bed, writing this while listening to a documentary about Yellowstone. In true ADHD fashion, I need multiple streams of stimulation to engage my brain enough to distract from my body’s symptoms. That is not the point though.

I sit here after getting a tooth pulled this morning, wondering if I should have left it in until I absolutely had to pull it. I know logically a cracked tooth, that has a cavity and is at risk of infection, is not something you want to wait on. Yet I feel bad enough to consider it. I am dizzy, achy, nauseated, and tired, and I am praying I do not throw up.

This past week, I have been facing the hard truth that this might be the extent of my recovery. I need to start embracing that daily life, including routine procedures, can set me back. I might regress from those routine episodes/illnesses. Now, do not get it twisted, I am not a nihilist, I do not go into these things planning on feeling worse forever. I go in as positively as possible, knowing my body is on our team, and will do her best to handle this challenge. Just like every day, she is doing her best to survive.

Sometimes, when I plan things out in my head I forget to consider this fact. I swore I would be back at work the next day. I thought that the cardiovascular risk was low to none for me despite having POTs. As I was reclined at the dentist’s, breathing in laughing gas, I kept peeking at my heart rate. Because I take Ivabradine, it stayed below a hundred, but I kept hearing it speed up and slow down significantly.

Some of the technical risks

I almost lost my balance twice since being home due to increased dizziness and orthostatic intolerance. Oh, and just FYI, even for able-bodied individuals, flu-like symptoms post tooth extraction are normal. Despite knowing my immune and nervous systems are easily triggered, no one discussed this with me. If I knew ahead of time maybe I would not have planned to return to work the next day.

Oh, and POTs sometimes affect the body’s clotting ability due to abnormal levels of 5HT in red blood cells. Causing an increased risk of bleeding with surgeries and heavy menstrual cycles. Or on the other side of the spectrum, people with POTs have an increased risk of Antiphospholipid Syndrome, which causes blood clots and is known as “sticky blood”. So yeah, anything that can cause bleeding can pose a considerable risk.

I shouldn’t be learning about this stuff because I am researching articles. Shit, that kind of stuff makes me so mad. Like, tell me all the risks specific to my situation. Do my providers even know or care about these risks? Or was the cardiac clearance all my dentist was concerned about, not knowing what this extraction could mean for me?

Emotional toll: I really am a burden.

Anyone with a chronic illness or are disabled (I would think) have at least once felt they were a burden to those around them. I know I have many many times. I didn’t realize I had to fill the paper scripts I was given ahead of time, I thought the antibiotic was as needed and I didn’t feel the need to get prescription 400mg Ibuprofen. I was supposed to though and now after my visit it fell on my husband to bring them in as I waited in the car.

I am down for the count at least for today and tomorrow. I won’t help with the dishes, or have many fun interactions with him. I told him in the car that I might be unable to go to our mutual friend’s home this Sunday. I might still be too sick. He says he knows nothing is a given anymore and that it can all change on a day. He also told me that he likes to live moment to moment, so it is not upsetting.

Everything inside me was sad, and I felt horrible. I stayed calm, though, and attempted to internally comfort myself by silently saying, “I am not a burden. I am worthy of love. I am a great wife.”

What can I/we do?

Well, what can I do to hold onto my precarious improvements in my health? There are alot of things I can do.

• Masking in crowded spaces
• Keeping up with nutrition and hydration
• Asking people not to visit you while sick
• Scheduling recovery days after events (parties, surgeries and everything in between)
• Ensuring any medical instructions post procedures are strictly followed
• Plan for a longer recovery
• Ask for additional support (if available)
• Plan ahead, have the right foods, fluids and anything needed waiting for you
• ASK FOR HELP. I know I said that already but so far that has been my biggest struggle.

At the end of the day, the biggest thing I need to remind myself of is twofold: Flares will come and go, and I am never a burden.